I'm a little tired of opera.
All though everything is going great with my development vocally I feel tired.
I'm tired of all the difficulty, the tediousness with phrasing and shaping the vocals correctly, singing on air "Sul fiato della voce". Bla, bla... I mean I do it when I practice, but just because I have to, not because I enjoy it.
Maybe a laid back attitude will be helpful. Being "lazy" and not seeking perfection as much as I'd normally do. Most of these thoughts come from the Monteverdi music I have to learn, It is overwhelmingly difficult because it's simple. I'm scared I won't be able to learn it well enough. I really want to do this ancient music justice, but I tend to be sloppy. I guess It will be many days clapping rhythms by my piano... that's the only way I know how.
Right now I just want to sing spirituals and jazzy sounding things. I miss just singing and belting my heart out.
My mind is truly spinning around my life right now. I finish school in June and have to find a normal people job without any loans to lean on.
It's scary.
I feel really scared about not going to a music school and more importantly not having a job that has to do with music. I hope I'll find auditions and some projects and concerts I can perform in, but there is no guarantee.
I also want to take the time to see if I truly want to go on with this... Can I do it?
No matter what friends and family and even teachers tell me, I have to truly want it. And I don't know if I do. I feel I've given up a lot of life to follow my dreams. I only know music, I don't know life.
So that is my goal from June on, to just live a little. See what life has to offer...
All though I think any job will be fine, I'm not sure any job will constitute as living either... I guess this will truly help me make up my mind. I can always sing, I don't need to be a well educated singer to continue singing.
I just don't want to have to go through life feeling like I never truly tried.
xx Erika Grace
I really understand you, because im studying early music fulltime. It is extreamly difficult to sing (often people think its easy) but you really need to sing it beautifully. You cant "just" have a big in monteverdi because it is written to show of quality and emotion in you voice and on top of that it is almose always in you passagio! ;) But when its done well, it is soooooooo beautiful. Monteverdi has alot of little "Jokes" in his music and a lot of beautiful things like dissonances (he was the FIRST one to use them this openly, because of the curch) and he also was the first one to have melodies from his earlier songs written in to the opera (sguardo sdingosetto for example in valettos arias) so you are singing a real piece of history!
ReplyDeleteAnd with your beautiful voice i think you will do great!!! :) xoxox
Tack, Emma! :) I agree with everything you wrote. (btw, do you know of any good books about renaissance music and Monterverdi?) Yes, its simplicity fools you. Sometimes one part can be so melodic and beautiful and then it's cut with something more recitativo sounding. It's fascinating seeing how this is the beginning of what opera became later and where it is now. I only hope I do it justice. Tack for en jätte fin kommentar! Hoppas du har kul i skolan, kanske jag söker dit någon gång! kram :) xx
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